Cafe La Boheme (New Directions, Dalton)

I looked at her as she put her head in her hands. Puck looked at her obviously confused and then at me and then around the cab then back to her. I wanted to go over and hug her but we were in a car which was moving.

I watched her turn her head away and look out of the window. I looked out the window I was sat near and saw the place we were going to in the sight.

When the cab came to a stop we made our way out of the cars and into a group.

My fingers were intwined with Sam's as we made our way to the entrance.

Rachel lead the way in and we all followed. We met the dalton academy at the desk where you announce you had reservations or something.

I sat down next to Becca and Sam. I saw that Becca and Puck were sitting at opposite ends of the table.

I squeezed Sam's hand and then he put one of his arms around me. I lent into him and then listened to the conversations going on around the table.

Noah had avoided me all night. I kept trying to cheer myself up—he didn’t do that because of the kiss… There was some other reason he didn’t want to be within ten feet of me. Yes; cheering myself up worked very well (!) I sighed quietly as we walked from the cabs to the hotel. Well at least everyone had pitched in to buy some alcohol with Noah’s fake ID. I was planning on drinking everything away tonight. Everything that had gone wrong in the past few months I’d been at McKinley, everything that I was sad or mad or scared about.

We’d won Sectionals and yet I still wasn’t happy; I couldn’t be happy with the black, confusing cloud that was Noah Puckerman hanging over my head. Everyone was still excited about our win or chirping about the meal we’d just eaten or the fact Regionals were soon. The Dalton boys had had to go back to their hotel but I’d managed to make Kurt and Blaine come with us. Everybody was busy talking with one another. I just trudged behind slowly, watching the ground, saying nothing, trying not to think about him, about us, about anything.

I didn’t listen as they discussed whose room to go to. I just followed whoever was in front of me. I realised where we were going when we arrived at the door—Noah’s. When I finally tuned back into the conversation, I heard him say that it was because if Mr Schue found the alcohol in his room, he wouldn’t be surprised. “I-uh, I’m going back to my room.” “Becca…” Blaine said softly. “No, I um.. I’ll be back, just I… need to change my shoes.” I smiled. “I’ll be back.” I nodded, putting on my act. “Why would I miss a perfectly good party, right?” I giggled. I wondered if it sounded as fake to everyone else as it did to me. Nobody seemed to notice so that was good.

I left the room and the door clicked shut behind me. I leaned against it and slunk to the floor. I began sobbing quietly, curled in a little ball outside Noah’s door. Eventually, I gathered the strength to get up and move away so that there wasn’t a chance anyone could hear me. As much as I tried to stop, the tears kept rolling silently as I ran through the hotel and into the empty elevator. I hit the right button and soon enough, I hit the floor again, regaining my position in a ball, sobbing silently.

I don’t know how long I stayed curled up in the elevator, ignoring the people who came in and out, going up and down, in my ball, sobbing. Eventually, I reached up and hit the right button again. I brushed away the tears and got to my feet. The elevator pinged, letting me know I was on the right floor, and I walked out, into the fifth floor hallway and down to the right door as I fished my room key out of my purse.

When I found it, I unlocked the door and ran inside, closing it behind me. To keep from breaking down again, I took a deep, so deep it hurt my lungs because of all the crying I’d been doing. I left my key and purse on my bed and went to the mirror. My makeup was ruined, my mascara bled down my cheeks along with my eyeliner and bronzer.

I took a makeup wipe from the pack on the desk and brushed it under my eyes and across each cheek, wiping away any evidence—apart from my eyes—that I had been crying. But if I went back with no makeup, Quinn or Blaine or someone would want to know why I’d taken it off, after all, I was only supposed to be changing my shoes. So I reapplied my makeup, as much like it had been as I could.

When I was done with that, I felt the wave of tears threaten again at the thought of going back to Noah’s room. I fought them off. I shouldn’t be this upset; he’s just one guy. One guy who hates me. One guy who I love. I walked backwards and turned when I got to the en suite door. I closed the door behind me out of paranoia; I knew nobody was in there or would come but I still had to close it. I pulled open the doors of the small cupboard and dug through the various bottles and tubs in there. I froze when I realised what I was looking for. Something that would take away the pain, take away the thoughts, take away the feelings. Something that would help me to not feel. I just stood in the bathroom, frozen, when I realised what I was looking for was an overdose.

When we went back to the hotel and straight up to Noah's room I accepted. Just because of it being a celebration for our joint victory. I chose not to drink tonight but I somehow ended up drinking a bit and then a bit more. Sam was also getting drunker. I noticed Becca not here with my blurred vision.

I was sat on Sam's lap with my arms around his neck. I heard a knock at the door and un-tangled myself from him. I stumbled over to the door and opened it. It was Becca. "What do you want?!" I said, slurring some of the words.

"Sure" I shrugged turning around and leaving the door open for her to walk through. I went and took my place back on Sam's lap.

"Chill... It's Becca!" I yelled, smiling a Becca and then laying my head on Sam's chest.